ThReE

This should have been posted last September 26, 2010... sorry it's late... but just wanted to say that it has been a very colorful number 3... and hopefully it will become more colorful w/ each passing day.. so now.. working on getting to number 4..

CoNvEniEnCe

friends should not need any reason to just drop by anytime...
friends should not only just be remembered when you failed at something..
friends should not only be remembered when you just had your heart broken..
nor should they be only remembered when you feel lonely..
because the point is... friends should always be remembered.. good times and bad..
and NOT only when it is convenient..

CoNfiDeNt THiEf

i still can't get over the stuff that the thief took from our bhauz... i am not sure if i am going to laugh or cry.. letche! nanggrocery sa balay. unsay pagto-o niya? supermarket??!!!! gone are my noodles (2packs), pancit canton (1pack), crab and corn soup (2sachets), corn kernels (1 big can) , milo (6sachets), pineapple tidbits (at least 3packs) , milo collectible cups (2pcs), 1 big lock n lock container and more (kung unsa pa to lain sulod sa akong cupboard) gibilin lang ang tuna ug sardinas.... (at may gana pa siyang mamili sa???!!!!) plus he took my islander sandals and 1 black shirt.. nangukab pa jud sa ref nya g inom among fresh milk and took sam's 5pcs of apples and alex's porchops... wala pa cguro nasatisfy sa milk gpagawas pa ang pitchel ug niinom ug tubig... sam's new shirt and nikki's CPU are also missing.. haaaaaaaaaaayyyy.. kung wala maabot c nikki bcin maapil pa ang 4kilos of rice.... faet... baga jud kaayo ug nawong!!! confident!!! whoever he is I hope he gets food poisoning and rot in hell...

ThOuGhTs

it's been a couple of months since my last blog and it's been tiring..
i don't know why but even w/ just thinking i get tired...
grumpy, irritable, and sometimes unreasonable.... moods that you can see in me often...
there's just gonna be 1 more chemo cycle and hopefully we're done w/ the treatment..
yipee!!!! i'm happy that somehow everything looks like it is going to go back to "almost" normal soon.... yet with the ending of this hurdle, another worry is knocking at my door...
whatever discussions about my future is going to be put in motion again... the truce is going to be lifted and i'm gonna need to be battle-ready again...
i know i am being selfish and stubborn... you might even think that i am overreacting and blowing it out of proportions... but for me right NOW, i am fighting to have the freedom to decide on what to do w/ myself... i don't wanna go home... i don't see how i am gonna make a living there.... i don't want to be told what to do.. i don't want to have to argue everyday... i don't even want to listen to bickering every day.... i don't want to fight w/ people that i love... i am tired of tiptoeing around them... i don't want to take care of other people and everything by myself... i'm not ready to be THAT responsible and kind yet... i am still learning to take care of myself and still at the stage of exploring the world... i have not seen much of the outside yet but i am already expected to go home????... it feels so unfair... i wrote NOW in caps because i know later when i am already satisfied with what i have seen outside, I CAN and I WILL do it willingly... i know i will be going back home... all i am asking is for now... please let me grow and please let me be...

JANUARY 2010

I know I've been silent since November..
my life's been crazy and it's just recently that somehow i had enough time and inspiration to write again..

1st off, mom's 1st chemo cycle was last Jan. 8. luckily not much bad reaction... she just experienced vomiting 3days after the chemo. lasted for 2 days.. after that she wants to go places as if she didn't undergo chemo.. she got bored just staying at home.. then she gets easily irritated and argues w/ dad almost everyday.. and it's draining me... badlungon sad kaayo akong mom.. haaayyy.. pwede pa lang makigbaylo ay! akoy mama nya akong mom ang anak kay nabunalan na guro.. but don't get me wrong.. i love my parents.. :)

2nd chemo cycle will be on Feb. 5... hopefully all goes well.. even now she's starting to loose her hair and is worried about it.. i keep telling her that it's ok and that it'll grow back and not to worry about it.. it's her chance to show off her new hats and scarves.. :)

then just last week or so we learned that my dad also has a health problem that needs operation. but at least it's not as immediate as my mom's so we're planning to have his operation after mom's chemo cycles.

honestly, didn't want to write about this... but seeing a friend yesterday by chance has triggered my emotions.. and here i am..

i was really happy yesterday when i saw my friend eventhough his first words were "BING!!!! You are so big!" w/ the matching facial expression.. hahaha.. it was sooo him.. then he opened up his arms and i hugged him.. it was the 1st time that i hugged him @ the center of a busy mall and i think it's the first time that he offered to be hugged... hehehe.. it has been a while since i last saw and talked to him. i know i am wrapped up in my world and it's the same w/ him.. and to think that meeting was just like for 5mins. 'coz he had to go eat and i had to go buy my mom's meds and to look for a fan but "wham!. .great impact!". it made me feel secure in our friendship and it made me happy... i was tired and i think it was not the usual "tired after a day's work"... it made me emotional that i felt like crying while i was still at the mall.. i realized that i needed his hug and that i missed my friend... and i had this big silly smile until i got home.. 'til now i get teary eyed when i think about it.. :) all i can say is "thank you friend"..